Watching a Shadow.

I was struck yesterday with the thought of how interesting the twists and turns of life can be. How, at one moment in your life you are defined in one way, and then at another the tide turns and you are defined differently. Not that the original has become any less important, well maybe it has, but it just no longer consumes you. That as you grow and move into different aspects of life, your values, concerns, and goals change along side you. It is not that you change at your core, but some part of you really seems to change as well.

The past four years of my life have been consumed in my performance as a runner. I have always been highly competitive, but especially with my running due to the individualistic nature of the sport and to the fact that it was more of a mental, internal battle than anything physical (although non-runners may have a hard time actualizing this concept). Yesterday, as i spent eight hours helping my coach prepare for the home cross-country meet, I greatly pondered where I was at now. As I watched the teams arrive, downing their last few bottles of water, clothed in their schools colors and emblems, I realized something of significance: I was no longer one of them. Even though I craved to be there right beside them on the start line, I knew there was a piece of me that was lost to memory. It was a sad but insightful realization, an actualization of self. Though running is still a part of who I am, I am no longer the competitive runner who lives to shave even a mere second off my time. I am someone new. I am someone still developing passions, and my nature is changing. It is hard accepting this change, but it is evident and inevitable. For now I sit and wonder at the past, present, and mostly... what is to come.

- Christina